The Hidden Struggles: Living with a Shopaholic Spouse

Is money the main source of the fight in your house? Do you feel you have been lied to about the expenses made by your spouse? While you are a saver in nature, your spouse is a spender.

A budget strategy you have created with your wife is only followed by you, but she never sticks to it, always on a shopping spree creating a nuisance in your financial goals. Situations like this can be hard when she believes that she is saving Rs 2000 on a dress she bought from a sale, and you don’t understand the need for one more dress when her cupboard is over-flooded with clothes. You know you can’t just ask her not to spend too much money on clothes. While she is financially free-spirited, you are economically conservative.

Understand the Reason 

There may be quite a few reasons for this act, but before complaining and saying, “My wife has a shopping problem, My wife has a shopping addiction”, try to understand the reason behind her shopping spree. 

Spendaholic Wife

Before living together and sharing the same house, you knew her impulse to shop, but now you might get irritated by the amount she spends on random things that she or any other family member does not require. Your wife just likes to spend money; this can be a result of a past trauma or emotional problem she might be going through. 

Being a spendaholic is very similar to being an alcoholic. Many times people tend to suppress their emotions by doing some activities which may make them feel calm. For some people, it might be drugs and alcohol; for some, it is shopping. Shopping makes them feel sufficient and complete, which helps them to regain energy and helps them to avoid the emotions they are trying to hide or suppress. 

Solution: The best way to deal with this situation is to understand the deep reason behind her shopping spree calmly. Try to find out why she spends so much energy on this activity. Once she is ready to deal with her emotions, she will be able to control herself. Try to help her by replacing shopping with some other healthy hobby. 

Low Self-esteem

Many people sometimes shop because of their low self-esteem. While they feel targeted, not enough for people around them or not likable, and they feel that people are not able to understand eccentric behavior and so they tend to shop to feel needed and valued by other people in society.

When people shop, they spend money. As we all understand to earn money, you need to make the person feel important to make them want to spend their money. This is a very common cause for people to spend more money. This cause is not just common among females. Males are also a part of low self-esteem. You might see one person in a group of friends always trying hard to be the center of attention. They tend to buy food for everyone and throw house parties from time to time to feel valued. Just to feel needed by his friends. 

Solution: Spending a little over the budget can never be harmless, but going over budget all the time and not considering the repercussions can be an issue. This situation can not be dealt with by fighting over the situation or calling out the other person’s mistakes. This can offend them as they don’t even know the deep-rooted issue behind their shopping spree. You have to be very calm, make them understand their perspective, slowly try to show them how shopping for them can be an addiction, and finally help them to overcome this issue. 

Check within yourself

It is crucial to keep yourself in check first. This point might sound absurd, but as a saver, you might be very conservative and think to purchase only things that are required in everyday life while your wife wishes to make the house look more attractive. Hence when she shops for what she feels is necessary, you feel it is a waste of money. Where most women are believed to be in love with shopping regardless of the season and economic situation, most men are compelled to go shopping even for the essential requirement. 

For ages, our society has set unsaid rules and roles for both males and females. While the role of men was to go out to work to earn money, women were supposed to make the house pretty and care for all. As time changes, the roles of the person who earns for the family are changing, but the role of caretaker is not changing, so women feel responsible for collecting items for rainy days and making the house feel more welcome. 

Solution: The simplest solution to this problem is to understand the other person’s perspective and check yourself. Discuss all issues with your partners and find the right path to financial freedom and savings. 

Signs of a Spendaholic Spouse 

There may be various signs but some of the common area

1. Unexpected new items appear in your home.

2. Your partner takes care of all the bills for the house and makes sure you never see them.

3. Your partner has grown to love the mailman and runs inside as soon as it arrives.

4. Your partner hides their bags to cover up their buying habits.

5. Your partner secretly applies for a credit card.

Short term solutions 

You might find the issue of your wife being a spendaholic, but you cannot understand the deep-rooted reason behind their actions. When a person is addicted to a habit of neglecting emotional problems, they can’t be confronted. They will deny all accusations; in the worst case, they will try to be rebellious and blame you for not trusting them. 

First, show them the financial issues that are caused because the two of you are not sticking to the financial plans you made earlier. Show them the future if these shopping sprees keep on going. Don’t make them feel guilty but try to support your partner, make them feel part of the team. 

Secondly, slowly try to replace their habit with a healthy routine. Try to make them enjoy some other habits and be a part of them. Some examples are yoga, kickboxing, and meditation classes. 

Some of the common reasons for shopping a lot

1. He does not pay me any attention.
2. I liked how kind the store employees were.
3. Never totaled up all of the credit card bills; instead, just kept creating new accounts.
4. Maintaining their reputation in the neighborhood.
5. Arguments or anxiety spark an urge to shop and then hide the goods.
6. I stole his credit card to get revenge since he had an affair.

Long-term solutions for shopaholic wife

Dealing with a shopaholic spouse can be difficult, especially in a middle-class family with one earning member. However, some strategies may be helpful in managing this situation.

First, it’s important to understand that shopaholic behavior is often a symptom of underlying emotional or psychological issues. It’s important to have an open and honest conversation with your spouse about their shopping habits and their impact on your family’s financial situation. Encourage them to seek professional help to address any underlying issues.

Second, set clear financial boundaries and establish a budget for your family. This can help limit the amount of money your spouse has available to spend on unnecessary purchases. Third, consider finding alternative ways to cope with stress and emotional issues. Suggest finding hobbies or other activities that can serve as a healthy outlet for their emotions.

Finally, remember that it is essential to be patient and understanding. Shopaholic behavior can be challenging to overcome, and your spouse may take time to make changes. It’s important to remember that, ultimately, the best course of action will depend on the specific circumstances of your situation and the needs of your spouse. It may be helpful to seek the advice of a financial advisor or counselor to develop a plan that works for your family.

If you believe that there are some past trauma or emotional problems they are not ready to deal with. First, ask them if they are ready to share their issues with you, try to solve their problems, or help them deal with their issues. If they are not ready to open up to you, make them visit a therapist and ask for their help. 

Conclusion 

Being in a relationship with an addict can feel very lonely. So be sure to consider your own needs too. Unless you take care of your well-being, you won’t be able to offer your partner the support they need to get through this. 

Aim to invest some energy in the things that bring you joy or that feel restorative to you. There is much you can do to help and support your partner. But remember that you can’t cure them of their shopping addiction as much as you might wish to. So, in dealing with your spouse’s shopping addiction, walk beside them as they travel the road to recovery.

Frequently Answered Questions